I’m a grandmother with hearing loss. My 3-year-old granddaughter has a lot to say.
Sometimes she whispers. And sometimes no matter how clearly she speaks I just don’t understand what she’s saying. The word I miss is usually the crucial word in the sentence, as it often is with adults. “I’m sorry sweetie, I didn’t hear you.” She cheerfully repeats what she said. And repeats and repeats. She never gets impatient, though sometimes we just change the subject.
Here’s what’s so great about talking to a toddler. She never thinks it’s my fault! She knows I have hearing aids but she’s not sure what they are. She never assumes I’m impaired in some way. Also, since she’s only recently learned to talk, it’s not just me who misses things. No one can understand every word she says. She’s used to being asked to repeat herself. It’s so refreshing.
If I’m with her with my daughter, her mother, I’ll look at my daughter when I miss a word. She fills me in. It’s telepathy. I’m a single grandma, so I also often spend time with my granddaughter alone. She’s too young to understand if I ask her to phrase something differently. But she’s infinitely patient with repeated requests to say it again. Eventually – usually – I get it. It’s also helps to shape a conversation in a way that gives me a notion of what the response will be. Open-ended doesn’t work. Instead of “What did you have for lunch today?” I say, “Did you have chicken-noodle soup for lunch today?” If she says no, it’s usually with a sly smile…. Did you have pickles? After that it becomes a guessing game.
A yes or no answer gives context to the answer. And context is everything when you’re hearing impaired.
Recently the noted researcher Kathy Pichora-Fuller spoke at one of our New York City HLAA meetings. The topic was Listening Fatigue and how to reduce the effort it takes to hear and understand what you are hearing. Context is key. “Creating context ‑‑ telling somebody what the topic is before you start a conversation, makes a huge difference,” Dr. Pichora-Fuller said. During the discussion period, someone asked if the lack of context is why we so often don’t hear the punchline of jokes. That’s because the very nature of a joke is that the punchline is not what we expect. There’s no context. Dr. Pichora-Fuller’s presentation is available on our chapter website, hearinglossnyc.org. Look under programs. It’s captioned.
I’d love to hear others’ experiences talking to children. The comments section is below.
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For more about living with hearing loss, read my memoir Shouting Won’t Help, and for more practical advice try Smart Hearing. Both are available as Kindle or paperback. You can also read Shana Groves’ memoir Confessions of a Lip Reading Mom
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Katherine Bouton: Smart Hearing 
Is it possible to record the Childs words in the dictation portion of texting feature in a cellphone that transcribes spoken to written and then realize what the child is trying to say?
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That’s an interesting idea. It probably depends on how clearly the child speaks. I might try it. Thanks for the comment.
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Such a sweet blog and so honest. Madeleine is a sweetheart. And so
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Thanks Holly. It was fun to write.
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Beautiful Katherine – both photo and your comments. I just had to say that even if my grands are of an age when speech is not an issue! Nice points about a young one’s perspective on our hearing loss! Thanks for writing about this!
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Yes, the young person’s perspective is wonderful.
Alas many of them go on to become fairly stubborn teenagers. But maybe that youthful generosity resurfaces eventually.
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There is Auracast system which is similar to hearing loop system that have been installed lately which could be a breakthrough.
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Hi Carrie, Not sure you meant this as a response to this post. But yes Auracast looks very promising.
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Katherine – this one is just so great. And what a beautiful photo of the two of you. She obviously loves her grandma, and as she gets older will be perfectly pleased to make whatever adjustments required for the hearing loss because she’ll love being with you. I think young children habitually make adjustments to whatever handicaps beloved grandparents have, especially if they love them as she seems to love you. Meanwhile, pardon me for this lengthy missive. This brings back memories of my own grandmother who I think saved my life after my mother died. My father sent me to America to live with her. I arrived refusing to sleep or eat hardly anything. She slept with me at night until I’d fall asleep, invented food I’d eat, especially peanut butter fudge. When I was returned to England and boarding school, she actually made that fudge – and mailed it all the way to me at the Hollington Park School for Girls, St. Leonard’s-on-Sea, Sussex – not so easy in the 1950’s.! I like thinking of her — which I do nearly every day of my life still. D
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Katherine – What a beautiful post. Brought tears – of sadness and joy – to my eyes. I simply tell toddlers that my ears are broken so I need their help to make them work. They like the idea of helping an adult. LOVE your example of how to shape a conversation with toddlers. Can’t wait to put it to use. Guessing games with young’uns are fun!
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Thank you so much! It was fun to write.
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Great post! And…
So THAT’s why I always miss the punchline of jokes!!! Makes perfect sense. And, of course, if you ask the speaker to repeat, it ruins the joke.
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Yeah, I can’t remember the last time I heard the punchline of a joke. My late husband loved to tell jokes and I was such a dud as a recipient!
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Lovely! 💛 💛
Sara French (she/her https://pronouns.org/) | New York, NY +1 (646) 389-9173 http://voice.google.com/calls?a=nc,%2B16463899173 http://voice.google.com/calls?a=nc,%2B16463899173 | sarasuefrench@gmail.com
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Thanks Sara!
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