I’m a grandmother with hearing loss. My 3-year-old granddaughter has a lot to say.
Sometimes she whispers. And sometimes no matter how clearly she speaks I just don’t understand what she’s saying. The word I miss is usually the crucial word in the sentence, as it often is with adults. “I’m sorry sweetie, I didn’t hear you.” She cheerfully repeats what she said. And repeats and repeats. She never gets impatient, though sometimes we just change the subject.
Here’s what’s so great about talking to a toddler. She never thinks it’s my fault! She knows I have hearing aids but she’s not sure what they are. She never assumes I’m impaired in some way. Also, since she’s only recently learned to talk, it’s not just me who misses things. No one can understand every word she says. She’s used to being asked to repeat herself. It’s so refreshing.
If I’m with her with my daughter, her mother, I’ll look at my daughter when I miss a word. She fills me in. It’s telepathy. I’m a single grandma, so I also often spend time with my granddaughter alone. She’s too young to understand if I ask her to phrase something differently. But she’s infinitely patient with repeated requests to say it again. Eventually – usually – I get it. It’s also helps to shape a conversation in a way that gives me a notion of what the response will be. Open-ended doesn’t work. Instead of “What did you have for lunch today?” I say, “Did you have chicken-noodle soup for lunch today?” If she says no, it’s usually with a sly smile…. Did you have pickles? After that it becomes a guessing game.
A yes or no answer gives context to the answer. And context is everything when you’re hearing impaired.
Recently the noted researcher Kathy Pichora-Fuller spoke at one of our New York City HLAA meetings. The topic was Listening Fatigue and how to reduce the effort it takes to hear and understand what you are hearing. Context is key. “Creating context ‑‑ telling somebody what the topic is before you start a conversation, makes a huge difference,” Dr. Pichora-Fuller said. During the discussion period, someone asked if the lack of context is why we so often don’t hear the punchline of jokes. That’s because the very nature of a joke is that the punchline is not what we expect. There’s no context. Dr. Pichora-Fuller’s presentation is available on our chapter website, hearinglossnyc.org. Look under programs. It’s captioned.
I’d love to hear others’ experiences talking to children. The comments section is below.
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For more about living with hearing loss, read my memoir Shouting Won’t Help, and for more practical advice try Smart Hearing. Both are available as Kindle or paperback. You can also read Shana Groves’ memoir Confessions of a Lip Reading Mom
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Katherine Bouton: Smart Hearing 
Is it possible to record the Childs words in the dictation portion of texting feature in a cellphone that transcribes spoken to written and then realize what the child is trying to say?
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That’s an interesting idea. It probably depends on how clearly the child speaks. I might try it. Thanks for the comment.
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Such a sweet blog and so honest. Madeleine is a sweetheart. And so
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Thanks Holly. It was fun to write.
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Beautiful Katherine – both photo and your comments. I just had to say that even if my grands are of an age when speech is not an issue! Nice points about a young one’s perspective on our hearing loss! Thanks for writing about this!
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Yes, the young person’s perspective is wonderful.
Alas many of them go on to become fairly stubborn teenagers. But maybe that youthful generosity resurfaces eventually.
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There is Auracast system which is similar to hearing loop system that have been installed lately which could be a breakthrough.
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Hi Carrie, Not sure you meant this as a response to this post. But yes Auracast looks very promising.
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Katherine – What a beautiful post. Brought tears – of sadness and joy – to my eyes. I simply tell toddlers that my ears are broken so I need their help to make them work. They like the idea of helping an adult. LOVE your example of how to shape a conversation with toddlers. Can’t wait to put it to use. Guessing games with young’uns are fun!
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Thank you so much! It was fun to write.
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Great post! And…
So THAT’s why I always miss the punchline of jokes!!! Makes perfect sense. And, of course, if you ask the speaker to repeat, it ruins the joke.
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Yeah, I can’t remember the last time I heard the punchline of a joke. My late husband loved to tell jokes and I was such a dud as a recipient!
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Lovely! 💛 💛
Sara French (she/her https://pronouns.org/) | New York, NY +1 (646) 389-9173 http://voice.google.com/calls?a=nc,%2B16463899173 http://voice.google.com/calls?a=nc,%2B16463899173 | sarasuefrench@gmail.com
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Thanks Sara!
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Katherine – I love this glimpse into your life with your granddaughter. The younger a child is when they become aware of our hearing loss, the more natural it becomes for them to patiently repeat themselves, get our attention when they speak or try to enunciate. Enjoy every moment!
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Thanks for sharing, this was wonderful to read.
I’m a librarian and have an accommodation at work that allows me to not work the children’s desk. Between the background noise (libraries aren’t quiet anymore!) and kids lack of enunciation I can never hear them well enough to help them. And I’ve found that they aren’t very patient.
I wonder if the patience comes from knowing the person with hearing loss, like you and your granddaughter?
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The library sounds like a challenge. My grand-daughter’s patience may be short lived. She’s at a lovely age right now, and I appreciate that I’m here for it. It helps that our time together is usually casual, no rush, nothing urgent to get done. Someone suggested using a captioning app like Otter.ai to catch her words. But I think Otter would most likely miss the same words I do.
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As a Deaf individual myself, growing up, desperately labeled as “hard of hearing” from the audiologist, then my family, teachers, speech therapist, etc. Hearing people think that it’s just “HARD” to hear. I disagree, with two hearing aids, I still struggled all my life to understand the hearing world. In college, I learned from my Deaf teacher, only we as Deaf individuals can rate our residual hearing or Deafness. Turned out after taking a self-test of sitting one foot away from a male friend who has a low voice, not allowed to look at his face, I took out my hearing aids and I flunked. I couldn’t understand 80% of what he mumbled. (He wasn’t mumbling but everyone sounds like they’re under water garbled). So turns out I’m actually Deaf. I finally realized it’s more of, with hearing aids, it should be labeled as “Hard of Understanding.” Sure, some of us can hear sounds, but will we ever understand them, no matter the context, the noisy background drowning out the speech uttered by a high-soft-cute spoken toddler – s/he can repeat it as many time as it just won’t be clear. Thus, I now use the term “Hard of Understanding” or HOU. Hearing people can’t understand why it’s so hard for us to understand no matter how many times they repeat themselves and get impatient with us. My hearing brother told me once, “Pfft, when the wind blows in the opposite direction, we’re all hard of hearing sometimes!” So I’ve had siblings, friends, or other family member needing to literally translate what toddlers are saying since they’re not fluent in ASL and not even gesture (especially in America unlike in Italia, everyone gestures there). Never ever tell others you’re “disabled”. No, the impatient hearing world is signing impaired. Most hearing people when they get older become hard of hearing and some Deaf – that’s nature. Did you know that many years ago, profoundly Deaf adults called other “hard of hearing” adults “Deaf people who can talk.” Notice they didn’t say “Can hear some.” I found that very fitting. Hearing world could understand us but we’re often unable to understand others. It’s a real burden. Once at a coffee shop, an adorable 3 years old inquisitive boy starting chatting up a storm with my 7 years old CODA (Child of Deaf Adults) “niece” that I took her out to have fun drawing on paper. I couldn’t understand the boy and he couldn’t understand why I don’t speak but sign. “Why is she waving her hands like that? Why isn’t she talking?” So Chynoa said, “She’s Deaf!” He asked, “She’s death?” Nooo, she’s D E A F! she exasperatedly answered. The cute boy still didn’t understand the concept of Deafness but then he announced, “I want to draw too!” So all 3 of us drew together that day. I find that drawing back and forth with toddlers helps them to meet me half-way. As a certified Deaf ASL Master Tutor, Mentor and an evaluator for over 31 years, my hope is to introduce ASL for little children as they tend to be more open to relate with Deaf children/adults.
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